Dying to Self... Living for Christ

The Rest of the Story...

2005-12-21T11:53:00.000-08:00

The story began when he left his home in Lafayette, Ind., bound for Bible college in the Southern California sunshine. Unsure of his future, he pondered a career in ministry while picking up a guitar to pass the time. It wasn’t long before the school’s worship leader overheard him playing in the dorm kitchen and he was leading worship all over Southern California.

One date in particular would change his life in ways he could never have imagined. While playing for a small Bible study group in the San Diego area, he was taken with a girl who had her hands high above her head to praise God. Looking back, He recalls. “I was in awe of this woman who obviously loved Jesus so much.”

It’s the kind of story many young Christian couples tell: meeting at church. Getting to know each other better as they attended church events, prayer meetings and college group activities. But then after four months together, Melissa suggested to him that they break up. He wasn’t thrilled with the idea, but she was insistent that she needed to spend more time with the Lord. She felt sure He was preparing her for something.

The young man found out just what that “something” was when, several months later, he was summoned to Melissa's hospital bed. The 20-year-old who still held his heart had just been diagnosed with ovarian cancer.

“I walked into the hospital and she was beaming,” He recalls. “She was just trusting the Lord.” Not that she wasn’t aware of the possible outcome, but Melissa told him that if she ended up dying from her disease, as long as her death led one person to Christ that it would all be worth it. A godly perspective perhaps, but not one he was happy to hear. As he left, he found himself making an odd promise to God. “I drove away saying, ‘if You want me to marry her, knowing she could die from this cancer, then I will. If she tells me she loves me, I’ll marry her.’”

The strange thing was, they had never said those words to each other while they were dating, but during his next visit Melissa said exactly that. So after praying and fasting, he returned to the hospital yet again, and with Melissa undergoing chemotherapy he announced: “let’s get a ring tomorrow.” Five months later, with Melissa’s hair growing back and her health much improved, they walked down the aisle.

It seemed like the proverbial happy ending, but the celebrating didn’t last long. They were still on their honeymoon when the cancer reappeared, and upon returning home, they learned Melissa had only months to live. He was at her bedside as his young bride took her last breath and he played the worship songs he had played so often for Melissa during her hospital stays. That experience didn’t just change this young man's personal life, it forever altered how he looked at the music he made. “Music is not my life. Christ is my life,” he realized. “The only thing that really matters is what we do for Jesus on this Earth.”

It’s that perspective that shines through in all of the music he makes. His first disc, a critically and commercially successful album, is filled with songs that point to the goodness of God despite the pain of this life. “I Still Believe,” the first song he wrote after Melissa’s death, is a bold declaration of faith in the midst of loss, while “Walk by Faith” was written while on their honeymoon. Taking those songs on the road and telling his story to others helped in the healing process. Another outcome as he told Melissa’s story to audiences each night was that her hospital wish began to come true: Her death began to impact others for Christ.

This young man has a touching story and the words to his songs touch many who hear them. They certainly touch me... even more now that I know the rest of Jeremy Camp's story.

Christian "groups"

2005-11-29T21:41:00.000-08:00

This is a letter to me from a friend who is somewhat frustrated. I added a few thoughts of my own, but I thought it would be good to post. Please take it to heart.

I’ve noticed a tendency in some Christian groups, to have ‘groups’ (some larger than others). People often group off in their cluster of “friends,” and stick with that group. What I’ve noticed, is that it often leaves some people out. In enjoying our groups of friends, we sometimes neglect others, who are socially different or inept, those who are not cool/attractive/popular. Clustering in our groups of friends, spending more time with the people we find “more fun,” is fine. When it gets to the point of hurting the feelings of others, though, it becomes a problem.

Christ was asked once what the greatest of the commandments is. Christ responded with “thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself.” (Matthew 22:37-39, Mark 12:30-31) “Love thy neighbor as thyself.” So then, who’s your neighbor? Anyone, everyone on this earth (see the parable of the Good Samaritan, Luke 10:36).

It may be hard to define what that love Christ was talking about means. But I know that Christ gave us some pretty good indications of how we are to treat each other. In Matthew 25:31-46, Christ talks of when he sits on His throne in glory, while we stand before Him, waiting to hear His judgment. He goes through a list of things, feeding the hungry, giving drink to the thirsty, taking in strangers, clothing the naked, and visiting the sick or imprisoned, and He says “Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me….Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me.” I wonder if those actions He would like to see in us include visiting the lonely, cheering the sad, encouraging the depressed. One thing I know: I do not want, when I’m before His throne, to find that I am one of them about whom He said “Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye did it not to one of the least of these, ye did it not to me. And these shall go away into everlasting punishment: but the righteous into life eternal.” (Matthew 25:45-46)

Not to make it sound as if salvation comes by works. We all know that works can not save us (see Ephesians 2:8-9). However, what is faith, without works? In James 2:14-16,19-20, it says “What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? Can faith save him? If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food, And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit? Even so faith, if it hath not works, is dead, being alone…Thou believest that there is one God; thou doest well: the devils also believe, and tremble. But wilt thou know, O vain man, that faith without works is dead?”

Our faith requires action. It requires good works. It requires that we serve and help one another. It requires that we reach out to those who are in need. Whether that need be physical, spiritual, or emotional does not matter. We have a duty (and we should have a growing desire) to reach out and help one another on this journey we call life. Part of our passion for Christ should be evident in our passion for one another, in our all-inclusive passion for one another.

Now, if we do not talk with others, if we do not interact with them, how are we to know their needs? And if we don’t know what their needs are, how can we help them?

The ones that tend to get left sitting on the side by themselves, the ones who are not cool/attractive/popular, who are quiet or shy, may be the hardest people to interact with. But is “that’s hard” an excuse? What if, in the Garden of Gethsemane, Christ would’ve said “Father, I know you want me to give myself for these people, who are dirty with sin. I know you want me to willingly hang on that cross and die. But that’s too hard. I’m not going to do it”? Aren’t you glad He didn’t let the difficulty of the task stop Him from doing what He came to do? I sure am!! I know without His self-sacrifice on Calvary, I would be lost.

Many times, when we let the people who are not cool/attractive/popular sit off to the side of single group gatherings by themselves we are hurting them. By basically ignoring their presence, we’re telling them they’re not important. We’re allowing them to develop the feeling that they are unnecessary, that they are extra, out of place, unnoticed. We all *know* that every member of the Body is useful and needed (1 Corinthians 12). But when we ignore people, we are feeding their feelings rather than reinforcing their knowledge that we’re ALL parts of the body of Christ, that we’re ALL needed, that we’re ALL useful. We’re letting them feel like they are not a necessary or useful part of the body of Christ. A person can only feel something for so long before it overtakes what they know to be true, and the lie they believe becomes, to them, the truth they know. And then they *know* that they are not a useful part of the Body…
And I shudder to think where that leads.

And part of why I shudder…I’ve seen someone close to me get hurt this way. I’ve watched them struggle with feeling like their presence is unappreciated and their absence is unnoticed. I’ve watched as this gulf seemed to grow between them and their brothers and sisters in Christ. I’ve watched as they justified this within themselves, as the gulf widens and so few people notice. And I try to bridge the gulf, I try to help… but it takes more than one person. It takes more than one to make a person feel like a necessary part.

All of this is not to say that as Christians we cannot have ‘best friends.’ It is not to say we can’t spend more time with some people than others. Please don’t misunderstand. I just mean to ask you to please, please take care of your brothers and sisters. Please show them All love, without partiality (1 Timothy 5:21, James 2:9). Please be mindful of the ones who are off to the side, take time to get to know them, and their needs, and to help them. Please, rather than thinking only of who your friends are, think of whom you can be a friend to. Christ did not offer his time and His self only to His friends; He offered His love to all those who needed it (after all, He died for us while we were still sinners!). Let’s follow in His footsteps.

Having a GREAT time!

2005-11-01T16:05:00.000-08:00

I've been real bad at posting and it is because I've been having an AWESOME, action-packed time here at K-State. I've only got a week and a half left of my month here and I want to make the most of it. Since I wasn't a Christian when I was in college I wasted a lot of time and money when I was there. I've loved being able to have spiritual conversations almost every night with different bros and sisters, I've loved the prayer meetings and singings, and I've loved just having stuff to do all the time.

Anyway, I'm excited for this last week and a half and I'm also excited to go back to KC. I guess you could say I'm excited.

For all of you out looking for a place to go to college... you should check out K-State and if you are graduating you should check out KC (shameless plug)

PRAYING FOR YOU WILL!!! See ya this weekend.

T-shirt

2005-11-01T16:01:00.000-08:00

I bought a K-State t-shirt yesterday and I was told that my life is better because of it... I sure don't feel any different.

I'm still a Hawkeye!

Kellan's Story Time - Take 1

2005-10-24T20:41:00.000-07:00

On our trip to Kansas City this past weekend, Kellan decided to read to us a Winnie the Pooh story. It was quite hilarious and as you can see in the videos by Dixie's reaction... we were all very amused.

Kellan's Story Time - Take 2

2005-10-24T20:04:00.000-07:00

Update

2005-10-20T09:21:00.000-07:00

Several have asked how Brian is doing (Brian from a very posts before). The last day I was in Ames, IA, he came with my cousin and I to my cousin's church. He said he enjoyed it and would probably go back, but that it was a lot to take in.

I recently sent him an email and he responded that he is doing good. He and his girlfriend Cory, have not yet went back to church, but he is ready to go back when they have an available weekend.

Please continue to pray for Brian and Cory that they would continue to open themselves up and allow Christ into their hearts, so that they can experience the love, joy and peace that comes from SALVATION!

I'm sorry if...

2005-09-29T17:45:00.000-07:00

...I freaked anybody out with the last post. I heard that someone was kinda freaked out. I just thought it was interesting that's all and I thought it would be a good opportunity to think about living like today was the last day.

If you were upset with my post, please tell me so I can apologize.

OCT. 4, 2005 - The Rapture???

2005-09-29T15:42:00.000-07:00

I talked to a brother in Christ last night that told me about a website that he heard about from his brother regarding a special date coming up... Oct. 4, 2005. This page is long, but I read the whole thing because it was really interesting. I can't really explain everything he has on the page because there are a lot of things, but basically he is SPECULATING that the rapture (or something else VERY big) MIGHT occur that on Oct. 4, because of a lot of scripture and other number/orderly things work out to that date. I would recommend checking it out.

Even if you doubt what it has to say, the last day is still a good thing to be thinking about. The brother I talked to said that it has really helped him to put a focus on the fact that Christ could be coming very soon. Even though we say that all the time, having a POSSIBLE date still can bring about a focus on the 2nd coming of Christ and can and should change our attitudes about what we do with the time God's given us. It also makes living the gospel and presenting the gospel to others seem more important too, doesn't it?

AND if you don't know Jesus Christ as your saviour, this is a prime opportunity to seriously contemplate why, and (hopefully/prayerfully) decide to repent of your sins and ask HIM to lead and guide the remainder of your life. Even if Oct. 4 comes and goes without anything happening... you now have the Lord and you WILL NOT regret it!

If you knew that Oct. 4, 2005 was the date of the rapture... would you handle your time between now and then differently??? If you answered yes (I DID), try thinking what you would do if everyday you woke up you believed it was the last day before the rapture. Let's redeem the time God's given us and give it back to God!

Here is the website, a link, and its 1st paragraph disclaimer, enjoy.

http://www.wonderful1.com/wst_page3.html

Oct4,2005

This page has some information which deals with a date in the near future. I'm not saying that something will definitely happen, but am simply giving possibilities of what could happen based on patterns of things which have already occurred. So - as you read this, please remember anything discussed here which is in the future is all speculation.

Pray for Brian

2005-09-26T16:37:00.000-07:00

I just finished a long conversation about Christianity with a guy I'm working with here in Ames. God was AWESOME and he was very receptive. He grew up in a christian home but he as some major doubts. The biggest problem that we talked about was making the step/leap of faith that many of us struggled with. He might come with me to church on Sunday... I hope he does.

Please pray for Brian. That he will take that step of faith and let Jesus into his heart because we know that Jesus can and will remove our doubts.

Thanks

What does waiting on God mean to you?

2005-09-23T07:09:00.000-07:00

I had a discussion last night with a group of people about what "waiting on God" meant to them.

The thing that comes to my mind is that waiting is equal to dependence in many cases. If you are going to a show or an event and the person you are going with has the tickets to get in but they haven't shown up yet... you are waiting on them and you are also dependent on them to bring what you need. Another example would be a patient in a hospital they are dependent on the nurse/doctor to bring them medicine, food, water, etc..., but they must wait on that person to bring it to them.

Such is the case with God. If there is something that we want, like the tickets example, we must sometimes wait on God to provide, likewise if we are in need of something, like the medicine, we also must sometimes wait. Our willingness to wait is like our willingness to say, "God I depend on You", but when we get ahead of God it shows our nature to be "independent."

Another neat thought about waiting is that if you were waiting for your tickets and didn't expect the person bringing them to show up, you wouldn't wait very long. If however, you were confident hopefullness in them showing up, you would wait... as long as possible. As Christians we are always waiting for the return of Jesus and I know that I am willing to wait as long as it takes.

What does waiting on God mean to you?

Look Twice... Three times...

2005-09-16T08:50:00.000-07:00

I was at a small, community group get-together last night with my cousin and people from his church. The time was divided into 3 parts getting to know each other, studying the Word, & prayer requests/prayer. It was an excellent night.

The scripture that we looked at was 1 Thessalonians 1-3, but mostly 3. It says...

1 Paul, and Silvanus, and Timotheus, unto the church of the Thessalonians which is in God the Father and in the Lord Jesus Christ: Grace be unto you, and peace, from God our Father, and the Lord Jesus Christ.
2 We give thanks to God always for you all, making mention of you in our prayers; 3 Remembering without ceasing your work of faith, and labour of love, and patience of hope in our Lord Jesus Christ, in the sight of God and our Father;
4 Knowing, brethren beloved, your election of God.
5 For our gospel came not unto you in word only, but also in power, and in the Holy Ghost, and in much assurance; as ye know what manner of men we were among you for your sake.

The first time I read it I saw the common Christian themes of Faith, Love, & Hope. The kind of give me that warm fuzzy feeling when I really think about what the mean.

The second time I read it though I saw three different words; Work, Labour, & Patience. (work and labour are from the same greek work, Ergon) (endurance and steadfastness are other words that could be used for patience) Now these words to me on their own for sure do not give me any warm-fuzzies.

So what is Paul saying when he wrote the work of faith... labour of love... patience of hope? Am I looking twice or more are the work, labour, and patience of my faith, love, and hope?

Thoughts anyone?

God Bless and have a blessed weekend!

WHAT A WONDERFUL WAY TO EXPLAIN DEATH

2005-09-09T16:00:00.001-07:00

A sick man turned to his doctor, as he was preparing to leave the examination room and said, "Doctor, I am afraid to die. Tell me what lies on the other side."Very quietly, the doctor said, "I don't know.""You don't know? You, a Christian man, do not know what is on the other side?"The doctor was holding the handle of the door; on the other side came a sound of scratching and whining, and as he opened the door, a dog sprang into the room and leaped on him with an eager show of gladness. Turning to the patient, the doctor said, "Did you notice my dog? He's never been in this room before. He didn't know what was inside. He knew nothing except that his master was here, and when the door opened, he sprang in without fear. I know little of what is on the other side of death, but I do know one thing. I know my Master is there and that is enough."

One of the Best things about having Christ in My Heart...

2005-09-07T15:54:00.000-07:00

is that even when I'm feeling down, confused, sad, unmotivated, helpless, disappointed, etc... I still have JOY!!! I know that all of those feelings will pass away because all my hope lies in Jesus Christ, who has accepted me to be a part of Him. I know this isn't a revelation by any means, but it always seems to be enough.

Lord, I pray for Your strength to help me grow deeper in understanding, wiser in my decisions, and all around closer to YOU. Use me in any way to further the Gospel in my actions and words and help me to be BOLD in ministry, while realizing my complete weakness apart from You.

In Christ,

Amen

The Gift of Gab

2005-09-02T23:26:00.000-07:00

Wow!!! I never went to bed last night. I got to talking with a relative and POOF seven hours later it is time for me to drive home, take a shower and go to work. (It is 11:30 pm now, and I'm still awake!) The conversation was sooo cool though. It was all spitiually focus and we both agreed that we got a lot out of it... of course after 7 hours I would hope so.

I wonder

2005-09-02T22:07:00.000-07:00

As I sit here at my computer after just looking at articles and photographs of New Orleans and the surrounding states, I am wondering.

I wonder what it would have been like to be one of those people who were in the Superdome, or any of the other places where people packed in to stay, stranded, without food or water for 2 days? and I wonder how I would have reacted when those trucks began showing up with the National Guard, water, food and transports?

I don't think I would have been complaining about them taking too long though. It really irked me to see people and the press railing on the people bringing them and sending them help. I would think that after surviving a horribly devastating hurricane a person would be praising God for just being alive.

I encourage everyone to PRAY for those devastated by the hurricane and those providing the help and protection.

2005-09-02T22:05:00.000-07:00

Stranded people in New Orleans

2005-08-30T11:24:00.000-07:00

Pic of the Day. Guess where?

TRY THIS...

2005-08-30T10:48:00.000-07:00

Hold your right foot off the ground a couple of inches and rotate it clockwise... then put your hand in front of you and try to draw a six with your finger without having to foot rotate the opposite direction.

Let me know how that goes for ya!

Infamous picture

2005-08-27T17:56:00.000-07:00

There are a few of you out there that requested to see this photo... and it proves that all of your comments toward me are true.... My name is Alan Banwart... and I AM A TREE HUGGER!!! (sob sob) The first step is admitting it, can anyone tell me the next step?

TREE HUGGER!!!

Why Believe the Bible?

2005-08-18T17:11:00.000-07:00

What do you say when asked this question? Here is a quick and precise answer that has more credibility than just "because that is how I was raised", "because God tells us too", or "because it helps me" etc...

I heard this one on the radio...

I believe the Bible (the Gospel more specifically) because it is a reliable collection of historical documents written down by eyewitnesses during the lifetime of other eyewitnesses. They reported to us supernatural events that took place in fulfillment of specific prophesies and claim that their writtings are devine and not of man.

AND

I put my trust in it and it changed my life forever... your testimony.

For those scientific method people who won't believe because we can't use science to prove the Bible is true. The scientific method relies on 3 things... it needs to be observable, measurable and repeatable. Well, you can't do any of those things with history. How then do you prove things that happened in history? The judicial system looks for eyewitnesses to corraborate evidence. That is what the Bible does, it tells what Jesus taught.

What would those same people do if you asked them to tell you what Aristotle, Socrates, Plato, etc... taught? They would go to a book written by those people or eyewitnesses around them and not even doubt what was written in those books.

What do the eyewitnesses say... Friday dead -- Sunday risen!!!

I haven't written since late May...

2005-08-18T16:54:00.000-07:00

ALOT has occured since then. I won't bore you with all of it, but here is a break down...

* Vacation Bible School in KC
- My first time of ever teaching/leading any sort of organized Bible class with kids. It was very humbling and it made me appreciate those who have taught me over the years.

* Latty Invite
- A wonderful weekend with lots of people! I met many new brothers and sisters in Christ and was very thankful for my first real visit to Ohio. The Latty group did an amazing job at organizing service projects and activities... not to mention Aaron Stoeller's dedication to roasting that hog perfectly!

* Kansas City Church Service Project Day
- Myself, along with other single group members, planned a day of service to the KC community. We lined up 5 different projects and those who were willing and able split up and went out in the spirit of Christ to help those who were in need. I spent my time at the Victory Outreach, which is a ministry down in the not-so-nice part of the city where they provide a house/church/community for men who want to break away from drug and alcohol addicitions. We helped the guys paint the house and fixed up their kitchen floor. Many of the men there were inspirational because they had turned their lives over to Christ and were now trying to help those in the house to do the same. We invited some of the men to a supper and singing at our church that night and we had a wonderful time of fellowshipping.
- After organizing such an event, I have a larger respect for people who have done them in the past, but I have caught the "service fever" and I want to do more.

* July 4th
- I went home and saw my whole family. (More to come on this later)

* Denver Trip
- Left on a Friday night and came back on Sunday afternoon, which made it a short, BUT WONDERFUL trip. We slid down the snow on the mountains, ate, had a Bible study and sang around the campfire and had some wonder fellowship. The Denver people are very cool and wonderful people... yeah Jake Leman.

* KC Invite
- Our single group invited a number of church (and my J-Mates) to KC. We did a service project at Harvesters, sorting donated food to give to the homeless and people in poverty and we had a Bible Study given by Nate Lehman on Serving (which was wonderful), along with other things. It was a great time! Y'all come back now ya here!

* College Course
- I took a summer course, Psychology 101, which is the beginning of my pre-requisits to get my master's in family/marriage counseling. I'm very exicted about that, but WOW I don't know how people can go to school and work full time for years on end. I had enough trouble for 2 months. The class went well, despite the fact that the teacher totally dissed Christianity. I spoke up occasionally, but I feel my efforts were disappointing. I was very hard, especially since it was a rushed through class and not too many things were discussed in depth.

* Ashely Esslinger moving to Illinois
- We are sad to see him go, but the weekend in Bern was a very good one. I still think I may see more of him in Illinios than I did in Kansas.

NOW - GOING TO GATEWAY SALE!!!

Maybe I'll do better on blogging.

Bundles of Stuff

2005-05-31T21:24:00.000-07:00

As I look around... I just see a bunch of STUFF. Don't get me wrong, I like stuff, but after being removed from all this stuff for a week, it doesn't seem as appealing. I've never really considered myself materialistic, but compared to where I just came from... I could be considered to be. I wonder how long it will take before I go back to looking at things with my eyes from before Jamaica? I hope never, but that probabaly isn't likely. They were very happy and content with few possessions and here I sit in front of my computer, in my house, surrounded by my stuff and I am no more happy or content than they are. I guess I just need to say that this stuff is not my stuff... it is God's stuff and He has choosen me to have it, so I can give it back to Him using Godly wisdom and the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Anyone else out there feel overly blessed?.... PRAISE GOD!

Jamaica Trip

2005-05-31T21:08:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone!!!

I'm back from Jamaica and like the title says... I am blessed. Some of you may have been to Jamaica on a work team trip, so if you have this is probably just a refresher, but for those who haven't it is an eye openning experience.

Friday
Met part of the group at the airport in Chicago early in the morning and began the "getting to know everyone" process. Fly out to Miami and then onto Jamaica. I was privileged to get to sit next to Neal and Kris Widmer on the entire flight down. Neal is the minister at the West Lafayette church and between him and his wife they provided me with some very good wisdom on different things. Neal was also an encouragement to me, because his father wasn't a Christian when he came to Christ, but was converted later.

Got to Jamaica in afternoon and ran into a little trouble with the customs people. Mostly because I didn't keep my mouth shut... I guess I wouldn't be very good in an interrogation room. I didn't end up being a big deal, I just had to pay some duty tax, but the group was united early in the trip when they were praying for me to get through. I was humbled to be used by God for that cause. Oh yeah, and when I opened up my bags for checking, I found a big mess because a syrup bottle had exploded inside it. I am soooo thankful that God blessed me with an easy-going personality because after those series of events I definately could have gotten upset.

Got to the village fairly late after surviving the "coaster" ride in rainy conditions.

Saturday, Monday, Tuesday & Wednesday
Worked

Sunday
Had services in the morning and then attended the village's services afterwards. It was very neat to see the praise songs being signed by the deaf and then to have the sermon signed as well. Being able to sign along with the some of the songs was a real blessing and just added to the words of the song. For example... when singing love (crossing my arms and then pulling them tight up against my chest), God (raising my hand up towards Heaven), and Jesus (using one hand to point to the palm of the other and then vice versa). All in all it was a great experience!

That afternoon we went to the infirmary. This was the most significant part of my time in Jamaica. The infirmary was kind of like a nursing home only there weren't hardly any staff and all the people were given a bed in a big room with everyone right next to each other. No privacy, very few possessions, very few visitors, but the one thing that many of them did have was Christ in their hearts. I sat a visited with an old man named Isaiah for probably 45 minutes, which was a long time considering I couldn't understand much of what he was saying. I picked up enough to know that he was grateful for us being there and that he praised God for being a part of his life. When we talked about heaven he just cried and it was awesome to think that some day we will meet again and be able to praise God and understand each other's words completely.

Thursday
In the afternoon, we went to the Salvation Army Orphange and once again were able to see a large number of people little to nothing. This time however, they were kids, but the results were somewhat the same. When we gathered into the church and began singing praises to God the kids sang at the top of their voices. Once again I just thought about how, if anyone on Earth had reason to not sing praise to God or be content with where they were it was these kids. I spent most of my time there with a 15 year old boy. There weren't many kids there his age and it broke my heart to think about all the things that 15 year old boys go through and knowing that he didn't have anyone to go to for counsel and love. I hope and pray that he will draw near to the Lord as these things arise in his life and not to the things of this world and of the flesh.

Friday
This afternoon we were able to go to the deaf school in Knockpatrick. This is where Lindsey Yackley and Heidi Heimer are working for this Summer. I know that they would appreciate your prayers that their work would go to the glory of God and the furthering of His gospel. It was neat to see all the work that was being done to repair the school from the damages caused by the hurricane. This was also where we got to see the Hands and Praise group perform a few songs in sign, which was very moving. I was the most frustrated during the trip though at the deaf school because there were so many kids that I wanted to visit with, but I unfortunately don't know hardly any sign, so I had to suck it up. Like someone said on our trip though... there are certain things that know no language barrier like smiles and hugs and I was able to give those out freely.

Friday night was a late one because we all shared something about the week and about our prayer partners, which was a blessing. We had a final devotion and then we went and had a talent show, which was filled with some talented and spiritual performances along with some very funny performances.

Saturday
Got up early, packed up the stuff, coaster ride to Montego Bay, did a little shopping and hopped on the plane back to Chicago.

All in all the trip was wonderful! When I think of what I learned on the trip 2 Corinthians 8:9 comes to mind... For ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might be rich. I know that I feel richer because of what Christ did for me and also for what I witnessed in the lives of the poor Jamaicans that know they have treasures waiting for them when their time on this Earth is completed. God Bless them!

Breaking thru Chaos

2005-05-18T00:48:00.000-07:00

OK, so I had a great time in Bluffton and I am very happy for Andy and Jenna and their new life together. GOD has richly blessed them with each other and we all know that with their eyes focused on Christ and always looking to serve each other, their marriage will be a joy.

Wow the Bluffton single group is big... I was overwhelmed and felt out of place even though I knew that I was surrounded by my brothers and sisters in Christ. I confuse myself sometimes... I am not a shy or introverted person at all, fact is I LOVE being around people (lonely child syndrome I think), but I just don't do well in the midst of chaos. OK, it wasn't that bad, especially since I was able to break through the chaos and I got to "know" know a couple new people. I love getting to know new people... there is always something that I can learn from someone else and be inspired by someone else's thoughts or experiences. I LOVE hearing people's testimonies. Our testimony is one of the most powerful/inspiring tools we have and we shouldn't be afraid to use it. Sometimes I wish that when I met new people that I could hear their testimony before even knowing their name.

Thank you to my new acquaintences for their inspirtation to me and PRAISE BE TO GOD for the work HE has done in your as well as my life!

We be JAMMIN' MON!

2005-05-18T00:34:00.000-07:00

Coming off and excellent weekend in Bluffton and trying to get everything caught up at work and at home because I'm...

Jamaica Bound... leaving for Chicago on Thursday after work and Jamaica Friday morning.

I'm excited to go on my FIRST service trip (if you don't count my week at Gateway).

I am sooooo looking forward to having the opportunity to focus completely on God and doing HIS work, getting to know more of HIS children, and personally growing closer to HIM.

Updates

2005-05-18T00:28:00.000-07:00

Grandma is doing good for being 96 with a broken hip. My mother says that they are sending out of the "serious" part of the hospital to a short term care section. It is great that she is recovering even though I know she would rather be in Heaven. She has been wondering for years now why the Lord hasn't called on her yet. I'm not exactly sure, but I do know that her grandchildren (especially this one) draws strength and inspiration from her. I just hope I get the chance to talk to her before she leaves this world (major disadvantage to not living near family).

My non-practicing Jewish boss from D.C., whom I wrote the letter to responded back... and unfortunately she did not convert to Christianity. She told me that she would write back something more detailed when she got time to.

2 important things to note...

#1 - She did not reject me, but the message. Don't fear personal rejection because people who know you will more than likely will just reject the message and even if they did reject you... obedience to God and the salvation of their undying soul is more important than you being rejected.

#2 - I was told that it takes an average of 6-8 times for a person to being presented the gospel and convicted by it before coming to Christ.

KEEP WORKING FOR THE LORD AND SPREADING THE "GOOD NEWS"!!!

Grandma

2005-05-09T23:42:00.000-07:00

My Grandma fell and broke her hip today. My Uncle found her this morning on the floor and they rushed her to the hospital. She is 96 years old, but amazingly she is pretty "with it" still. However she has been slipping mentally a little bit lately. Mom did say that she was actually joking around at the hospital though this evening. Who knows what's gonna happen, but a lot of times when an elderly person breaks a bone like this things go down-hill faster.

Grandma is an awesome lady. She had 11 children (one of which passed away soon after birth). Her and my Grandpa Alvie farmed near Lester, Iowa and did a good job raising the kids the "right" way. Grandpa died in his late 50's (I believe), when he burned to death in a cornpicking accident. The kids were all "grown" by then, but she did a great job of holding the family together in such a trying time. I believe she has 52 grandkids (26 boys and 26 girls) and I'm not sure how many great-grandkids cause they keep coming faster that I can keep track.

I admire her so much. As I look at her life now from a Christian perspective, I remember all the love, care, and instruction she has given me and how she has given in such a joyful way. I know that her kids, grandkids, and some of the great-grandkids have been able to receive much of her wisdom, kindness, humor, and happiness in serving the Lord, and I'm pretty sure that each one of us loves and respects her to the utmost.

I pray for two main things right now... 1) that the Lord will come and take her home to be with HIM in a non-painful way, and 2) that if and when I come to the point in my life where she is that my family will regard me as a pillar of Christian faith that we look to her as.

National Day of Prayer... and more

2005-05-05T23:23:00.000-07:00

So today was the National Day of Prayer, which had been establish quite a few years ago. Anyway, we had a hour and a half set aside today at work (for anyone intersted) to go and listen to a few local ministers that came to the building... YEP A FEDERAL BUILDING... and talked each for a few minutes on this year's theme... GOD shed his grace on thee and obviously we did some praying. By the way...

God's
Redemption
Act at
Christ's
Expense

I thought that was neat.

One of the ministers mentioned Revelations 8:1. In the book of Revelations before chapter 8, a lot of action is going on with the horses and the openning of the seals e.g. earthquakes, stars falling, suffering, etc... Then in 8:1 there was silence for about half an hour. Why??? Well 3 & 4 refer the silence with PRAYER of the saints, an incense to God. The minister then proceeded to say... "Prayer on Earth results in Action in Heaven."

Following the short service I was able to visit with some of my co-workers about our faiths which was very cool. Who would have thought that a GOVERNMENT job would have an activity like that... how many of you people in the private sector got to participate in an activity like that. I hope you all did.

By the way, I sent an email to my boss from a previous post and still no answer. She is a busy person. I will let you all know what happens, since it seems to be of interest. There are a few more co-workers that I am planning on "visiting" with too in the near future. I don't know if any of your have ever felt empowered (word?) by God to be bold, but I kinda do right now. Very cool feeling, but kinda scary in some ways.

What else???

Oh Oh Oh I know.

What?

You went to the K-State picnic last night.

Oh yeah. That was great, but totally not long enough. I don't know how many people are fortunate to experience a long period of time away from a lot of friends and family. I say fortunate because when you come back, you appreciate just seeing their smiling faces again.

Ummmmmmm???

So soon you forget what you did tonight?

Oh yeah.

So tonight we met to plan a KC service project weekend this Summer -- June 25th. This is my first opportunity to do something like this and I'm very exicited to be a part of organizing a church effort to get together and go into the community and do good works for the benefit of the community and the glory of our God! More details will be sent to the locals (we are going to keep this one small, since it is the first one we've organized)

Next?

AHEMM (throat clearing noice followed my a cough that sounds similar to Jamaica).

TWO WEEKS AWAY... YEAH!!!!!

Was there something else???

Don't forget about West Bend.

Oh yeah, thanks.

No problem.

So, I went to wedding in West Bend of a couple of high school classmates on my way back from D.C. (It was a nice wedding that had a message of serving God, and I love both of the individuals that got married, but when you go to the reception and the wedding party, friends and family are well on their way to getting "plowed" it really takes away from the whole message and really takes God out of the whole atmosphere. I was sad.... and that wasn't the end of my sadness.

My parents aren't Christians. There lifestyle is one of a Christian and feel they did an excellent job of raising me, but we all know that being good doesn't get a person to heaven. They know that too, but satan is so powerful when it is just us against him, but what a feeling of joy, comfort, and power we have when we know that with God on our side the roles are completely reversed and Satan is left powerless!!! Anyway, back to my sadness, I talked to my Dad for around 2 hours that night. We talked about God and Jesus and the church and satan and Christianity and repentance and being born again and on and on. He (and my mother) know the truth. They went to the AC church since they were kids. I asked him, "Do you believe in God?" -- Yes; "Do you believe in Jesus?" -- Yes; "Do you believe that Jesus died to save you from your sins?" -- Yes; "Are you sorry for your sins?" -- Yes.

AWESOME, HE AS EVERYTHING HE NEEDS, RIGHT?

"If you died tonight, where would you go?" -- Probably not the right place. "So why don't you profess to be a Christian, why don't you ask for God to come into your life and cleanse you and change you and make you into a new man?" -- I don't know; "What do you mean by I don't know, you have all it takes, just ask him." -- Silence. "I don't know what else to say... I pray for you and Mom all the time... I believe that you will ask Christ into your lives someday... I hope you don't wait too long... I want to see you in heaven someday... It will be VERY hard for me if you die and I don't know if you've made a commitment to God. Tears.

Pray for them. Pray for the rest of my family too. I rejoice with those who rejoice and have families that are all Christians. That would be nice.

Sorry for bringing anybody down and for such a long message... revert back to the top for spiritual uplifting again.

Good night and God bless.

I HOPE AND PRAY

2005-04-29T01:07:00.000-07:00

I sent a letter to my boss tonight...

This boss is one of the two people I worked for in D.C. I loved working for her and her boss. We had a great time and I learned a lot of things. I wished I could have spent some more time there learning a getting to know her more, especially after how my time there ended. (I am however very happy to be back in Kansas.)

Speaking the Gospel at work is not an easy thing to do... I spent pretty much 5 days a week for 8 weeks = 40 days with this woman and we were so close to spiritual conversations many many times, but being at work kind of keeps it from happening. (The taxpayers don't want us spending their hard earned money talking to each other now do they). I prayed almost every day though that she would open up a conversation, ask a question, or make a statement that openned the door for us to talk spiritually, so I could talk to her about Jesus. I thought about starting the conversation myself, but I didn't want to overstep the work relationship (Is that wrong?) Plus I really thought God would open the door... and he did... the last hour we were together... talk about waiting for the last moment.

She is a non-practicing Jewish woman in her late 30's (??? - don't tell her please if she isn't that old). She has a son whom she loves him dearly and I think she has an ex-husband somewhere (but I'm not sure about that).

Anyway, so she made a statement about self-help books and I kind of scoffed and she said, "What?"

and I said, "You sure you wanna know?"

and she said, "Yeah."

[Bear in mind that she did know I was a Christian and that I was serious about my faith, for small talk about what I did on the weekends and stuff like that.]

So I started talking about the Bible and what I believe about it and she asked how I could take the Bible to be my guide book and I said because it is God's word... man's direction to the truth.

I don't think she buys into there being a God at all and if she does it is a very weak god. She definately supports science and evolution and things like that and she couldn't understand how I (being a scientist myself) could believe without any scientific proof. I talked a little about some of the science that backs creation and about how evolution is just as much based on faith as creation is, but UNFORTUNATELY we had to prematurely end the conversation cause she was leaving for a meeting and I was leaving to come back to the midwest.

Well I couldn't sleep that night, so I went and typed up a letter from 1 to 3 in the morning and emailed it to myself, so I could proofread it and send it when I got back to Kansas and about an hour ago I sent it. I HOPE AND PRAY TO GOD that He will use the words to help her out of her unbelief and to search farther into what she beliefs to be true and find the real truth.

I just wrote her my testimony, my few thoughts on evolution as just a theory and expounded on some of the things that scientifically don't fit about it, and lastly just an encouragement to look deeper into what she beliefs because if she is wrong and there is a God and Jesus Christ is the Messiah she will wish she had while she was still alive.

I am kind of nervous and excited about it all at the same time. I also wonder why God openned the door at the last minute, which kinda forced me to write this letter instead of just talking about it verbally. Maybe I'll find out here on Earth, but if not I can ask Him in heaven.

Pray for small churches

2005-04-19T00:44:00.000-07:00

OK, I thought Kansas City was a small church, but D.C. is tiny. Problem with having such a small church is that when someone leaves it causes a huge loss. I don't proclaim to be anything special, aside from the fact the God has called me to serve him, but leaving the D.C. church is very to do. Not because I like D.C., or the east coast, or the tons of people, or the politicians, or all the "friendly" people. Leaving will be hard because they will once again become smaller, they will lose a personality, a talent or whatever that they won't be able to readily replace with someone else.

I really don't have a lot to say about it except that I feel bad leaving when they currently only have 6 members, (soon to be 7) and 1 convert. Over the years several couples have came and gone for various reasons, some of which dealt with lack of church community and fellowship, and not having a church or a minister. I would just ask whoever reads this to be prayerful for the D.C. church, which is struggling somewhat for an identity and for numbers, and for all the other small churches across the world.

God Bless

Meineke Car Care Service

2005-04-19T00:26:00.000-07:00

So I take my car in to have the oil changed and get it "checked" out before the big trip back to the Midwest and something really neat happened. (What wasn't neat... them telling me I brake pads and rotors needed replacing, my catalytic converter was shot, and I should flush and replace the brake and transmission fluid -- which I decided not to do any of until I get back). Anyway... so I notice the owner/manager of the shop has a couple Bibles on the front counter and I said something to him about it and he commented back, but he was busy so I didn't press it any farther. I sat down in one of the waiting room chairs and whip out my Bible and started reading. When my car was finished and I was paying the bill he said something about reading the scripture and then I asked what he had reading lately... 45 minutes later... turns out this guy knows his stuff and he is telling me about all the people that have came into his shop (christians and non-christians alike) that need help. He told me, It is like the Lord just keeps dropping at the door. Right on Q... a very drunk young "brother" (keep in mind I was in a "hoodish" type neighborhood) comes in complaining cause the taxi driver was threatening to call the cops cause he didn't have any money to pay him. So the shop owner goes out and settles the whole thing.

I was very glad that I was able to meet that man (who's name escaped my brain... stupid brain) because he is a great example of someone in the middle of the battle that is not afraid at all to preach and live the gospel to his "shady" employees and the "thug kids" in his neighborhood. He told me that when he touches just one soul it makes it all worth while. I believe we are all in the middle of the battle and that we all should be fighting to help save our fellow man. Some of the battlefields however, are wide open and you can see the enemy easily. Other times you don't even know you are in the battlefield and it makes it hard to protect ourselves let alone save others. I need to keep my eyes open from the less obvious battlefields because the enemy is present in them all.

(I was at Gettysburg this weekend... hence all the battlefield talk. Very neat place to go by the way.)

Danny Brown

2005-04-15T00:29:00.000-07:00

Please pray for Danny Brown. I don't suppose too many people in this world know him or pray for him for that matter. He says he doesn't have any family, he doesn't have any money, he doesn't have a place to live and he doesn't have a J O B (he doesn't have many teeth either, but that was my observation). Who is Danny Brown? Danny Brown is like many other homeless people in D.C. and throughout the U.S. and the world. He stands on street corners and asks passer-bys for money or food or bus fare or prayers. What makes Danny Brown different.... I know his name. Why? I dared to ask it.

I wish I could have watched the scene from outside of the hour and a half I spent with Danny. Watching a young white man in a sport coat, dress pants and shiny black shoes walking side-by-side with a older black man with a nylon sleeve on his head, raggy, dirty clothes, and some old work boats would have been quite a sight. Listening to the conversation of the old man jabbering to the young man different sayings over and over again... "I gotta get a J O B," "You don't know what it's like," "I ain't got nothin," "I can't get no luck... maybe you'll bring me some luck," and the occasional "Man, if I had money I would help everyone else," and watching the young man keep walking not knowing what to say, but injecting any positive thing about God and Jesus he could think of. Let's just say that I think that I would have been entertained and I'm sure that I would have been disappointed somewhat in the young man's efforts, but all glory be to God for He is worry of all praise for any positive thing that comes from this encounter. I know that on the young man's side a small victory was won, and I pray that the encounter could have made a difference in Danny's life. I pray he went back to the Community Life Services office (that provides help, work training, etc... to the homeless) the next morning when it openned up and started on a new pathway in his life.

Danny didn't give me much information on how he got to where he was, but he seemed adamant about leaving the homeless/jobless life. Danny did say he was a Christian, but in my opinion, a horribly struggling one at best. I tried to encourage him that know about bad this life is that there is always someone out there worse off, especially if he lifes his life for the Lord. For when is time on Earth is over... he will have a home in heaven and everything else he could ever possibily imagine.

This story may not seem like much, but it was a major hurrdle for me. I actually walked by Danny like I have done to so many other nameless faces (rich and poor alike). But God is awesome and all powerful I knew that I had nothing to fear or to worry about, so I went back.

Next steps... not stop with Danny Brown!!! Please pray for Danny Brown.

In Christ's Love

Wonderful visitors

2005-04-10T22:24:00.000-07:00

What a blessed weekend!!!

Having Jamie, Tina, Dona, Janelle, Chris & Phil come and visit me from KC and even San Diego all the way out here in D.C. was sooooo wonderful. They probably have no idea how special that was for me. I didn't realize how settled and satisfied I was in KC until being out here for these 2 months. I actually got kind of choked up when I was talking about some of the little children at the K.C. and how much they've grown in just 2 months... and how much I've missed.

We had so many good conversations, and some great fellowship and singing with the Philly single group... had a blast doing the "monuments at night tour" until 3:00 am with like no one around... and then we were in awe of the amount of people checkin out the cherry blossom trees and monuments the next day. ONLY 2 WEEKS LEFT! It is strange cause I'm not unhappy here... I just think that it is time for me to go back and, Lord willing, continue the effort to build upon the congregation in quality of spiritual life of myself and the church and in quanity by beginning a new evangelism ministry (spurred by the encouraging words of Kent Kloter, Randy Mogler and many other loving bros and sisters since college weekend).

If you happen to read this... please pray for the Lord to give me the strength and courage to be his willing servent and reach out to JUST ONE stranger I encounter and tell him/her about Jesus. Thanks.

so many thoughts... so many emotions

2005-04-08T22:15:00.000-07:00

Have you ever been happy and sad at the same time? Have you ever longed for something in two weeks to come faster, but at the same time be excited and not want to miss what is going to happen in the next 24 hours? Have you ever been surround by tons of people, but been lonely? Have you ever spent time watching and enjoying tons of random people, but long to just sit a talk to someone you know? Have you ever been in a really cool place, but just want to leave...

I'm in a weird mood right now if you didn't notice from what I wrote above. Of course this is my first blog message and I would have figured that it would have been a goofy type of a message, cause that is more me, but this message isn't.

I went to work today and kept pretty busy, but I was and still am very excited because I have some Brothers and Sisters in Christ coming to visit me here in D.C.!!! At the same time, I've had a lot on my mind since College Weekend and I've been just DESIRING to spill my guts out to anyone and everyone about the love of Jesus Christ. However, the battle is going on within... Satan doesn't want me to do this, so what does he do... puts fear in me (but I don't really FEEL fearful), maybe selfishness (but as I was walking around D.C. for an hour and a half after work today I just kept watching people and really caring about them), maybe doubt that I can even make a difference (but I know that it isn't me anyway and with Christ ALL THINGS are possible) maybe I'm ashamed (but I KNOW that isn't true). So does anyone out there want to tell me what it is that is holding me back? Maybe if I could pinpoint it, I could FIGHT it better. I of course don't expect anyone else to know... I'm just venting. I talked to some complete strangers this evening and one in particular was a good visit... I believe I showed the love of Christ to the man I talked to... but do you think the words Jesus, or Heaven, or Saved, or Grace, or Faith, or Love, or Joy, or God, or anything like that came out of my mouth... sadly no... Maybe tomorrow or the next day I will gain the courage, but in the mean time I will just have to pray for God's strength, encouragement, and continued motivation to help me overcome this particular weakness.

Really though, I'm disappointed but not depressed. In fact, I'm filled with Joy, especially since I'm getting visitors in like 30 minutes. Things WILL work out... I WILL become a witness for Christ WITH WORDS because he WILL give me the strenght to do so.

Sorry for rambling... if I were to go back and read what I just wrote I would probably not see where I was going with the whole point... of course that is kind of how my I am functioning at this moment. I however need to go to the airport... so peace out.

I've been talked into it.

2005-04-06T21:25:00.000-07:00

i guess we will see how often i will blog and what kind of quality blogger i am